MUCKRAKER: Michael
by Sunshine Lollypops Klainebows
Summary: Brittany S. Pierce writes for the McKinley High Muckraker. She dishes on everything that went down in Michael from the ghost of Michael Jackson possesing New Direction to my new original song 'Kurt's Junk'


Students of McKinley, the ghost of Michael Jackson is roaming our school. Why he'd want to be hanging around a load of children and teenagers I have no idea but it made for a thrilling week.

It began in the hallways as it so often does when Mercedes complained (as she so often does) about having missed the chance to do Michael at sectionals. She's been talking about Michael for weeks now; which I think she's doing to distract herself from thinking about Sam – but more on them later... Anyway after a brief chat with Mr Schu it was agreed, New Directions would do Michael for Regionals. It was at this point that MJ's ghost first entered McKinley, possessing Blaine and then the rest of us in New Directions, I mean how else can you explain a spur of the moment performance of _Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' _where we all looked like Michael? I didn't realise this was a ghost power.

At the Lima Bean Sebastian Smyth declared war on New Directions with his and the Warblers intention to steal Michael Jackson for themselves. I feel bad for the Warblers, since Blaine departed Dalton they've been left vulnerable and without adult supervision they've been duped by a guy who puts the _dic_ in dictator… and just about anywhere else, at least that's what's written on his Craig's List ad. Oh and Sebastian if you're reading this, trash talking Kurt about wearing 'boy clothes'? You're one to talk, you constantly wear a schoolboy uniform you admitted to spilling juice over (wine is juice, it comes in cartons like juice). Just saying…

New Directions decided the only way to settle this was on the street (well car lot - dancing in the road is dangerous readers). With moves we recycled from West Side Story we served them during a dance battle to _bad... _unfortunatelySebastian decided to take it a little too literally and attempted to slushy Kurt. But Blaine in true romantic fashion, jumped in the way to save Kurt's outfit. He took a full hit to the face and was blinded by what I can only assume was dark magic. Like seriously 'school in Paris'? Tell the truth you were expelled from Slytherin weren't you?

After the attack Blaine might loose an eye and everyone lost their cool – surprisingly Artie seemed the most pissed but I guess he knows what it's like to be disabled. Anyway the ghost of Michael focussed his energy on Artie and was able to reanimate him, like some kind of thriller Zombie. He just got up and started dancing with Mike and I think it must have taken a lot of effort cause it zapped all the colour out of the room.

Kurt was obviously super mad and worried too, in fact I think the whole thing must really be getting to him because I saw him repeat outfits twice this week.

He brainstormed ways to get back at him with Santana and the tramp stamp idea seemed like a good one but something tells me Sebastian already has one. In the end they decided to take the high road and Santana duelled him in song to _Smooth Criminal_ (I'm also pretty sure the ghost of Michael followed her, did you see that shadowy figure in the rafters?) She finally got a confession out of him - he'd put rock salt in the slushy.

When by the end of the week we called him and the Warblers in to settle things he seemed pretty cocky that we couldn't prove anything but Santana had recorded the whole thing on a tape recorder which I taped to her underboob (I got the idea cause she likes to hide dots there for me.) No-one seemed impressed about it though and Santana made a good point that if Kurt had taped it to his junk we'd be singing about it for a week. I mean I could totally imagine us writing an original song about it, might even be better than _My Headband_:

_Sebastian Smyth is a criminal chipmunk,_

_We caught him with a tape taped under Kurt's junk._

Not only were we able to prove that we know more about Michael (after all we'd all been possessed by him this week) but we were finally able to erase the smirk off his face and at last the Warblers have realised what a douche he is.

With Sebastian rendering our favourite puppy Blaine blind, he might have to change his career path of becoming a Seeing Eye dog but. Maybe he should just marry Kurt as he's well on the way to making his Broadway dreams come true. During class yesterday Burt Hummel our congressman took timeout from (actually I don't know what congress men do) to bring Kurt his letter. After changing rooms more times than even he'd change his wardrobe he opened his letter from NYADA – and he's a finalist! Burt was so happy he even begged if he could tell Blaine – does he want Kurt out of the way cause he's scared Blaine might get him pregnant with gaybies?

Trust Rachel to make it about her though, when Kurt told her the news she flipped out and she ended up crying in the corridor because she _still_ hadn't heard from them. This is karma for trying to rig the student election – she should have had more faith in our magical unicorn, who was obviously going to get through. Although when she admitted that all she had going on for her was her boyfriend, I did kind of feel bad, I mean I think I'd cry too if all I had was Finn. This combined with another needles Finn song seemed to spur her on to make a decision about Finn's proposal and she said yes… Oh Rachel what will your fathers say? She should have taken Quinn's advice and said no, she's obviously pretty smart if she got into Yale.

They're not the only one's with romantic drama this week, as I mentioned before Mercedes has been trying to ignore Sam who's been putting the moves on her since he came back to McKinley. He rigged the board to spell her name out in lights, which was a super romantic gesture and they sang together – obviously singing was the aphrodisiac of the week because like Rachel Mercedes melted over Sam like a chocolate sauce on a vanilla Sundae. Something tells me next week he should be keeping an eye out for angry giants.

Everything resolved itself by the end of the week and I believe Michael Jackson's ghost was finally able to cross over, well at the very least we've decided not to do MJ for Regionals after all the drama but luckily is seems like the Warblers are with us on that one. It's only three weeks away and we still don't have a set list – why are we never prepared? I think I'll finish my _Kurt's Junk_ song and see if Mr Schu wants to include it. Until next time Muckrakers!

Cheerio!


End file.
